HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
