i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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