I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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