I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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