he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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