You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
