Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
