evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
