There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
