some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
