after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
