Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
