I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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