your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize