she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
