My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
