How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The air was thick with penises
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
