Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
