Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
