Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
