Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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