So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
