i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
