I didn't shave. On purpose
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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