My nipple is on Facebook.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
