My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize