They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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