Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
