also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
