he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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