Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
