What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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