also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
