I think i sorta joined a cult last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
