i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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