Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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