Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
