he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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