Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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