Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
