Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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