Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The ass gains better be worth it
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