Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
