I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize