We're facebook friends in real life
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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