Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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