i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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