I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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