I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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