And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
