bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
