He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize