Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
false alarm, still single
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize