You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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