He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
