she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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