FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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