Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
