fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
