4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
