Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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