His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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