I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
