I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
